Blissful
days of marriage is losing fascination. Responsibilities, schedules, ambitions,
passion all the other spheres of life is literally taken over the once love
filled paradise. The only time of talk is how and when responsibilities align
with schedules. “Get the milk”, “was the clothes”, “Call the maid, we’re gonna
be late” and the most dreaded liner “Take care of our child”…. Literally
marriage feels like a truck of responsibilities. Couple it with the financial
responsibilities, life feels like it’s all not worth it at all!!! Just when I decide to conclude the love of
our marriage is diming out and clichés “not all marriages are made in Heaven”,
my subconscious mind peacefully gazes at my impulsive mind. Arrrrgh, hmmm, ya,
of course all this discontent and apathy has come up only after my maternity!
Prior to motherhood, I loved and performed every bit of what it takes to be
loved and to love in marriage. The only thing that has now changed indeed is
that, I have not acknowledged time or feelers of Love, in the past few
months. Where’s the love, when I have no
time to acknowledge it and only focus on mundane responsibilities of the
family. It can only get taxing!!!!
Growing up in an
urbanized society, has indeed made my impulsive mind materialistic. But, that
does not rob me of the love that I have for Edsley. From the very first sight I
liked him! First I was absorbed in the innocence of his beauty, related well
with his humility and grounded attitude towards life, felt secure in the
relationship, married him with all my heart, mind and soul, coz marriage of
love is all that I wanted (I was a girl who was scared of arranged marriages,
remember). I chose to live my life eternally with him, and not a single day
passes without feeling blessed. But, now, I feel drained out, may be because
I’m not acknowledging this blessing. Wanting to recoup the wasted professional
years, I’ve turned so ambitious, that the very life for whom I want to be
successful for is now getting the worst of me. Coming to realize of it, I’ve shown out all the discontent of wasted
money and time, on the very love i’m blessed with!
